Dalai Lama Converts to USG Civil Religion; Reincarnation Just "Remnant of Feudalism"

"In This Temple" ... His New Idol

Before his recent conversion, I met Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, guru of the Yellow Hat school of Tibetan Buddhism, and an authentically pleasant guy. Back then, people were excited to meet someone who claimed to be a demigod-king-high-priest. He still held himself then out as a reincarnation of Avalokitesvara, the Bodhisattva of Compassion, claimed sovereign rights as theocrat-monarch of Tibet and seemed pleased to fence with me as he ardently defended Buddhist doctrine.

I was surprised to read of his recent conversion to the civil religion of my own country. You can read the story yourself on his website, Dalailama.com, his conversion reflected in the remarks he made on the occasion of his visit to the American Embassy School in India:

In reply to a question about his reincarnation His Holiness repeated that his decision that whether or not one is sought will rest with the Tibetan people. 

“I am committed to democracy,” he said, “while many of our religious institutions, such as reincarnation, are remnants of feudalism. Today we need to act appropriately to the new reality in which we find ourselves. The future of Tibetan Buddhism doesn’t depend on the institution of the Dalai Lama.

Acting appropriately to the new reality in which he finds himself, the Dalai Lama modified his old "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry Buddha" sermon to the New Age of the school children and their teachers:

“Young brothers and sisters and older brothers and sisters, I am happy to be here again. Time moves on; nothing can stop it. The 20th century has gone and we’re more than 15 years into the 21st century. The past can’t be changed, but we do have the opportunity to shape the future and create a happier world. And who will do that? Those of you who are young today. In one or two decades from now, I’ll be gone.

Worship Democracy and Equality or Face Hell-Fire! -  Ahhhh!!!!

But even if I’ve ended up in hell, I’ll take a break to come back and see how you’re doing. If you’re working for peace and a more equitable world, when I get back there I’ll tell the wardens of hell that they can reduce its size. But if I find you are still engaged in violence and discrimination on the basis of race, nationality, faith or social status, I’ll report that hell should be expanded to accommodate everyone who’ll be destined to arrive there.

In response to the ensuing theological controversy, Pontifex Maximus Obama upbraided the Dalai Lama for his novice errors, pointing out that Satan does not in fact run the E.E.O.C. and insisting that if Hell did exist, it would certainly include the oppressors of the LGBT, too.

Obama: This is Not the Head of the EEOC 

The Dalai Lama was quick to recant. In response, the N.F.L. agreed to strike the Dalai Lama from their boycott list (leaving only the excommunicated peoples of Mississippi and North Carolina after the recent forced conversion of the Georgians) and to move the Super Bowl from Atlanta to Dharmasala. The Dalai Lama, however, was made publicly to reaffirm the main articles of his new creed: " climate change affects us all wherever we are, and our global economy is interdependent." Like Obama, the Dalai Lama insisted he also is ready for a female successor: "He agreed that a future Dalai Lama could be a woman."